Why

I know there were a great many that were bothered when I stopped writing here, even for a brief period, but I also often get the question of why do I write here. I can answer that last question in three simple words - hope - assistance - therapy.

Hope - Hope that my wife and children are doing well and that maybe someone who recognizes me on this blog will let me know how my children are. I miss the three kids so much it tears me apart to see young children and familys out together. I would give the world to be able to sit down and have a chat with them, hug them, but apparantly my wife has been told that she can't have any contact with me now until the assault charges against her have gone through the courts and of course this means I don't get to see my kids because they aren't really mine, just step children.

Hope that my wife gets the help she needs, not just for the anger and violence, but for the obvious problem she has with animal hoarding. That she addresses the problem before the SPCA comes in and seizes more horses. Before it has an even more adverse affect on her and the children. Before other people get drawn in and taken down.

Hope that I can find the strength to continue on day to day. There have been days that has been questionable but I will get strong again, get my health back under me, and start over. Perhaps even someday have enough faith to trust someone enough to love again.

Assistance - Assistance to others going through similar challenges. Whether it is dealing with an animal hoarder, bwing among the working poor and between homes, or just struggling in general. If even one person can find some assistance within the words on this blog, a simple sense of "I am not alone", then writing this has been more than worth it. I know that one person who reached out through the comments on this blog, a person who has faced the same challenges himself, gave me a lift when I desparately needed one just from the mere fact that I realized I was not the only one going through this. You always know that somewhere in the back of your mind but sometimes you just have to see it or be told straight out just to put things in perspective.

Therapy - I do not have a circle of friends to sit down and talk with, though I will admit I am discovering I have more friends than I ever thought I had. Even if I did though I am a very closed and private person so sharing my thoughts, and feelings, and problems just isn't something that is going to happen. Writing is therapy for me. Before these blogs I have wrote children's books, novels, articles, text books, and more. Writing is my talking, my sharing, the keyboard is my couch, the computer my therapist.

Things are no doubt challenging for me. I go through my highs and my lows. Sleeping in the car, as concerned as many are about it, is not horrible. I could be on the street and I am not taking up limited shelter space from those who need it. I realized the other night just how quickly things can go wrong when you have no shelter. I stupidly ran out of gas during a very cold night while I was sleeping. Had someone not checked on me in the car I would have been sleeping forever. Landed my stupid butt in the hospital with mild hypothermia and mild frost bite. Stupid, but it does illustrate how quickly things can go horribly wrong.

That being said, there are people in far worse situations then I am. My wife and children among them (although I am sure their father will make sure they are well - he is a good man and I suspect probably went through much of the same stuff with my wife when he was with her). People stuck in abusive relationships and can't get out. People that have no resources and no-one there at all for them. No, my situation is rough, but survivable. There is always someone who needs more than you do.

And that is why I write as Cantankerous Old Fart in this blog and my other one.