Well I knew it was coming, just hoped it would wait a few more weeks, but the car has to go back to the wife. I can't make the payments on it and continue to keep living in it with my current income. Truth is I had wanted to leave it at the house to start with because I didn't want to leave my wife and children without the car (though she does have a truck she had just convinced me to by before all this crap went down). It was only by the grace of God that I couldn't drop the car back off that first night. Had I, I would have found myself completely on the streets. Don't know how she intends to pay for it either with all the horse expenses, lawyers bills, SPCA fines, and feed and pasture bills run up, but I guess that is not my problem anymore. I would say sell some horses but just typing it I can feel a beating coming on. That was meant to sound amusing but it really is the feeling I have.
Anyway I did a little car shopping yesterday. I can afford a car payment, just not this particular car payment. I found a few options yesterday. Options that seemed like they would be dependable (which seems even more important when you are living in your car) and amusingly enough, looked like they may be more comfortable to sleep in. Never expected that to be one of my shopping guidelines for a car!
Now is where the catch 22 comes in. I have wrote about the first part of the catch 22 - make enough money for food and warmth in the car, but not enough to set any aside for damage deposit and first months rent which would lower my expenses long term (there is no such thing as inexpensive food if you can't cook it yourself).
That is challenging enough. Having to send the car back to the ex at this point only makes it more complicated.
1. Need car for shelter, to continue current job, and travel for additional job (which I hope comes soon).
2. Sufficient income for car payment - no fixed address or phone, don't qualify for loan. (BTW I have asked others to ask my wife for my phone to be mailed to me - let's hope she does).
3. Need to get a more permanent housing solution - need additional income to set money aside.
4. Return to step 1.
Am I missing something hear? I don't want to borrow money from friends or family because at this point I don't know when or if I can pay them back. Friendship is more important to me at this point then money (I suppose it always should be) and I am not prepared to sacrifice friends over bad debts. Besides that, the situation I am coming out of was caused partially by the stresses of the huge debt being run up for things we couldn't afford. I don't want to go there again. Starting over is one thing. Starting over by having to dig myself out of a deep hole to start with just doesn't seem smart or healthy.
Is my thinking wrong ? Am I missing something? Is there another solution that isn't going to take me away from a good job I really enjoy?
It has never been so clear for me just how easily and how quickly things can spiral out of control for a person, anybody, to go from a comfortable home life to be jobless and on the street. It is like a whirlpool sucking down to the bottom of the ocean and collapsing in over top of you.
At this point I really am looking for constructive input from my readers. Please comment with your input. I really do need some help thinking this through. I look forward to hearing from all of you.
Lawyer up dude, lawyer up. Sure the vultures will get everything in the end, but theres got to be some left after all those horses are sold. 40 horses at meat prices=$16 - $20,000 grand. Tell me your part of that won't help.
ReplyDeleteYou really should leave her name up so people know, like some of the men she has been seen arm-in-arm with. This is a woman with mixed up priorities. She already screwed you up (you need counselling Larry) and she is going to screw up her children, just so she can have some guy support her horse habit for her
ReplyDeleteYou know, reading you post about not wanting to run up bad debts and not wanting to lean on friends sounds so much like what COH (children of hoarders) do. We become adverse to accepting help from anyone because of the sick and unstable relationships we have with our parents, because help from them comes with strings attached, because we're trained to suppress our needs to support the hoarder's addiction, because, well, there are many reasons to justify it, but in the end, they are all wrong.
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is don't keep refusing those offers for a place to stay or financial help. Not all people are like your ex; there is often no strings attached with their assistance. They may even refuse repayment because for them the satisfaction of seeing you get past all of this is enough. Besides, you can always pay them back by being the perfect houseguest, being their to help them when they need it, and by helping others the way they helped you (Think "Pay it forward", like the movie of the same name).
I think you are risking death every night you sleep in the car; you've already had one close call, you shouldn't go courting another. Just think how all your friends will feel if you are found frozen one morning. They will be devastated, and they will likely blame themselves for not pushing harder to help you. Do you really want to make them feel this way? Right now you need their help, so stop being so full of male pride and ask for it.
The other thing is that its going to take you a very long time to get on your feet the way you are currently planning. You will be better off if you accept some financial help now and get yourself a place to stay and a phone line. This will help you with your overall mental state like nothing else will, not to mention look a whole lot better when you apply for jobs.
Also, like neighbor said, get yourself into some counselling. All you have to do is go to the doctor's office and tell the doctor what's going on and how much strain your under. Tell them how depressed you are, tell them about what your ex did to you. They'll get you in for an assessment and into therapy quick as they can, and best of all, it will cost nothing. I did this over a year ago now, and I've never regretted it.
Dear Friend, I'm a CoH, found your blog through the self-help postings. All I can do for you is give you my prayers. Doesn't sound like much, but pray I shall. Don't know what/whether you believe, but it can't hurt.
ReplyDelete