The Myth Persists

An open letter to my daughter and others.

I sent a friend request to my oldest daughter on Face book. It was not accepted. My wife informs me that it was not accepted because my daughter has read this blog and thinks I am lying. They came to me with thirty horses, they are their horses, the horses shouldn't go anywhere. I am lying. She wants nothing to do with me

This of course breaks my heart. I can't expect that she is aware of all the impact, and cost, and problems with the horse, though she is quite capable of understanding it. I unfortunately will never get the option to explain it to her so I will explain it hear and hope that she reads it, and that others read it so they can understand.

First let me state flat out. My wife is not a monster, not a horrible person, not evil. She is incredible with horses but that attachment also blinds her to some things I believe. I have no wish to harm her, ruin her life, or involve lawyers to aggravate matters.

So here are the facts as I see them -

1. Yes my wife and children came with 30 horses
2. Yes had my wife been able to financially support and physically care fore those animals on her own I would have no right to say or think anything about the situation.
3. Yes, if the horses were the 30 original and given condition two above I would have no right to inject my opinion or any claim to the animals

The unfortunate reality of the situation.

1. We have lost many animals to age, illness, and injury over the years.
2. We have had horses taken off pasture and sold to cover pasture rental that wasn't paid (and still has not).
3. We have bought back horses from the auction to recover animals sold in 2.
4. We have had to bear the extra costs of moving because more horses than were agreed to in our lease were kept on the property.
5. We have had to pay for repairs to fences and buildings caused by the horses.
6. We have incurred vet fees for the horses over the last six years (much of which still has not been paid).
7. While grass may be free, it is only free if you own the property it is on. We have incurred expenses for pasture rental over the years – again with much of the amount still owing.
8. Horses, no matter how many, need hay and food over the winter and much of the year in our area. Hay is expensive – very expensive. Some of it has been paid for but several suppliers are still owed a great deal of money.
9. We have had close to sixty horses at one time, prior to the seizure by the SPCA because the animals were in such poor condition with little or not food on site.
10. We paid out money to buy several of those horses back.
11. It costs money and time to move horses and hay around the country side.
12. Our horse herd expanded through unplanned breeding
13. We lost our major source of income – farrier work – due to the reputation given us as a result of the SPCA seizure. (not a direct cost but no income means costs don't get covered..
The point is, the horse herd is not the same 30 horses we started with as a family. Neither my wife or I made enough income to support the herd individually, or together. If we had none of these bills would pile up. Even if we had made enough to cover the considerable expenses of the horses, there are still the considerable expenses of maintaining a family – housing – food – vehicles, fuel – phone – electricity, etc.

Whether a business or family or a single person, continually running more expenses than income creates major stress for every involved. And problems between family and friends that money has been borrowed from or owed to. Yes we did sell some horses over the years, but nowhere near enough to cover the costs of keeping, raising, and maintaining so many animals. That is why we often ended up selling new things just to cover expenses like the brand new paid for quad which we sold at a fraction of its value to stave off creditors, or the sleigh I got for Christmas and had to be sold soon after.

The fact is something has to give. We as adults and parents are responsible first to ensure the basic needs of the family are met. Any expenses beyond that, such as buying and maintaining horses are fine, as long as your basic expenses are covered and you can provide properly for the animals in your care.

I am not saying my wife was negligent or wrong for not seeing this reality of life. She was blinded by love – love for her horses. Not having the horses near, or even in possession was and is unthinkable to her. That is why she can not see the whole financial picture.

I was just as guilty. Love blinded me as well. That love made me stay the first time she beat me because I raised the issue of expenses and the horses. It made me stay the second time. It made me stay the third time. Had it not been for my wife reporting her assault on me to the police I would probably still be there. That is my mental problem to deal with and why I am seeking help.

If my daughter, or any of my children are reading this, please consider it as my point of view. There are two sides to every story and usually the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Read it with your Dad. Read it with your friends or school councillor. Get another, independent person's point of view so you can have all the information and make an informed decision. I can't ask you to do anymore. Just remember that I love you, all four of you, your mom, my two girls and my little boy. I miss you like crazy.

If this is someone else reading this, I sincerely hope it can help you as well. Help you to understand just how quickly you can be drawn into someone else s problem. Help you to understand how sometimes space is needed to get a clear view of things. Understand just how quickly things can go wrong.