In a recent conversation with my wife she told me I wasn't supporting her with the horses and that “if i am going to lose everything that really was mine, its going to be by me and no one else.”
She is not wrong. Several months ago I had told her not to talk to me about the horses anymore to me and not to ask for help. I quite simply couldn't take the stress. What did that get me? At the moment a rock solid punch in the chest while I was sitting back in the chair with my eyes closed. It was at that point I insisted she get anger management counselling. She did. I think she went twice to a counsellor.
Six years of time, thousands of dollars, hours or work, countless hours of stress, and nothing to do with horses is mine apparently. (see the costs breakdown in the previous post). Six years of love, joy, pain, anger, stress, fun, and apparently the family was not mine. Education, study, work, and my farrier service, which apparently she is working under the name now is not mine. A blacksmithing business, that although struggling due to economic times, was moving ahead, operated out of my home and gone now due to no access to the home and equipment and even if I did too many family debts built up over the years to start over somewhere else – was that not mine? Sure I came into the relationship with nothing. I was starting over. Does that mean after six years I should still have nothing? That nothing I invested time, love, and money in is mine, because I came with nothing? I just don't understand.
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Am I wrong? Is the mindset not sick and twisted? In making sure that if she looses everything that really was hers, its going to be by her and no one else has she not removed that option from me, removing everything that was in part mine and that I was a part of by force and not giving me an option in matter?
Was I wrong to say I wasn't going to continue to help or support with the horses? To try and force her to see the impact they were having on our lives financially and mentally?
I know I am wasting my breath hear when it comes to changing her thinking. I have asked her on numerous occasions to take these thoughts and concepts to others, independent people, friends, family to ask if I was wrong. She steadfastly refused. She didn't and doesn't want to hear the opinion of someone who doesn't support her completely. Alcoholics surround themselves with other alcoholics. Drug attics keep company with other drug attics. I have trouble not thinking that this isn't the same thing my wife is doing.
I know that she views this blog as an assault on her. It is not and never was intended to be. I don't care about the horses, the businesses, the car, the house or any of that stuff. I care about the woman I love and my children. Their ongoing welfare is my priority. This blog, at this point, is my way to fight for the people I love and care about.
Let me guess. During this time she rarely if ever worked a full-time job or at all. She depended on your income and proably child support from the father of the children. Dude YOU WERE NOT LOVED - YOU WERE NOT A HUSBAND - YOU WERE NOT A FATHER - IT WAS NOT YOUR FAMILY.
ReplyDeleteI hate to burst your bubble but all you were was a sugar daddy and when you stopped supporting her habit she kicked you to the curb (literally). She is out shopping for another sugar daddy. Go and find yourself a real woman - one that actually has a heart.
My thoughts go out to you. I hope you can find yourself on stable ground soon. Don't dismiss your friend's help. If they're true friends, they won't care about debts over your wellbeing. At very least, stay in one of their houses for a while. Even if you can't repay them with money, you could repay them with chores and housework. It makes me happy to know that you stood up to your wife's hoarding behavior and abuse, I always wished my father would have. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Anthony. You never were a part of the family, at least to the woman you call your wife. You were a sugar Daddy who became excess baggage when you wouldn't support her addiction anymore.
ReplyDeleteThere are women out there who really do care about the men they are with and the welfare of their family and children.
The person that said there needs to be a community intervention is absolutely correct. Take up the offer on that animal hoarding show that Sara has made.
Unfortunately I must agree with the Marie and Anthony. While the "sugar daddy" comment may be a little strong the fact is you were never accepted into your wifes life or the family's as a member. You were her support network.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you take up Sara's offer and can get the Animal Hoarding program to come in. A community intervention sounds great but you can not help someone who does not think they have a problem
At this point, like any addict, she has surrounded herself with yes people. Individuals that will not tell her anything but what she wants to hear. This is what addicts do. No clear thinking individual could not see how those bills adding up and not having the resources and facilities to care for the animals is not a problem. As cruel as it may be family health and welfare must come before the animals and therefore the animals, at least some of the, had to and need to go.
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