Victimizing The Victim

Dread - Concern - Confusion - Frustration - Loss

It has been a quiet weekend with a lot of time for thinking and I find myself with a menagerie of feelings and emotions. You see, Monday is supposed to be the day my ex goes to court for her assault on me. I don't quite know how to feel about that. I have a deep sense of dread, not for myself, but for my ex. I am concerned that rather than provide her with the help she needs, that will choose punishment instead – assuming anything happens by the time the lawyers are through with it.
How I even know about the court date is is the source of confusion, and disappointment. You would think that as the victim of the assault I might have been kept informed about the case, maybe even asked a few more questions beyond what the police asked the night of the assault. That is unfortunately not the case. Just to submit a victim impact statement, something every victim of crime has a right to submit, I had to jump through hoops to try and get the forms and the information required to submit the statement. Now I know others who have been through a similar situation. After the police interview the first night, police usually followed up to make sure they got all the details and they weren't missing any vital information – victim services followed up with them to make sure they had what they needed – and they were informed of court dates and more. They were part of the process. The difference? I hate to even think it but these were women – I am not. Talk about victimizing the victim! That is exactly how I feel.
That being said, for those of you that are believers, pray for my wife that in this case and the SPCA charges which I think also comes up this month, that the court finds the wisdom of Solomon and comes up with a solution that will help her, and ensure the future success of her and the children.
I also find myself facing a deep sense of loss, because I know at this point it is no longer my family, and that I will likely never get to speak to the children or my ex again. I held some hope that the children's father would see that I had some involvement in the children's lives but I suspect that is not to be the case. Even though I was a father to these children for most of their lives, the fact that my ex and I were common-law only means I unfortunately have no say in this situation. Men be forewarned!!
The feeling of loss is also the result of giving up on the horses, which I really do love and care for. If I didn't I wouldn't care about the situation they are in. Unfortunately because it is obvious that my ex would rather run up thousands of dollars in legal bills rather than part with any horses (despite the fact there is already 10's of thousands of dollars of bills relating to the horses already there) the only option I had was to offer her claim to all the animals in return for my work related tools and some items that have been passed down through inheritance in my family. It leaves her with all the horse bills, but there is far more value in horses there than bills if she is willing to do what is needed. Personally I feel victimized again, having to give up my claim to pretty much everything just to get what I need to move forward with my life, but it would only hurt the kids forcing her to put more money into lawyers fees. Truth is, but the time her and her lawyer delay everything the horses will probably be seized by the SPCA, or hidden somewhere. My life will go on, even starting from the ground up again. It is just unfortunate that a legal system that is suppose to protect is such a part of victimizing the victims itself.