Wow, I see from the comments that some people are really paying attention to my progress. First let me tell you that I am okay. The nights have been cold (darn cold) and it is costing more in fuel than I planned to stay warm but I am doing okay. I have been keeping myself occupied during the days trying to get my life back on track and deal with things and I thought a couple of days away from my whining wouldn't hurt! I haven't had the interview for the job I mentioned yet but I am fairly confident it is coming. I am feeling better thanks to my time in the gym and that helps a lot.
One disappointng and frustrating thing over the past week is trying to deal with Alberta (Chinook) victim services. Not having a phone line has made it impossible to call them (especially since Chinook division is long distance from work) and they have no email apparently. I contancted the main office of Victim services by email twice. The first time I received no response and the second time I was told the Chinook division would phone me at work. That was three days ago. I want to file a victim impact statement in the case against my ex but I have to go through Victim Services to do this and at this rate everything will be done before I have a chance to have any imput. I think its important a statement be filed so the courts understand the extent of the problem and where it has left me, an how it persists since it seems everyone I ever knew is being told I just up and abandoned the family. Kind of hard to go back to a small community when you are seen as a pariah there because of lies used to cover someone elses issues.
I thought victim services was fantastic in my first dealing with them. They handed me the paper work I needed, offered me some housing suggestions, and made sure I got a room for that night. After that it seems like I don't exist to them, even though they know where I can be reached during the day or a message left for me, and they have my email. The sad fact is all the information they gave me about potential housing help was wrong, at least according to the Income Support people. And I have not heard a thing about what is going on with the case and it seems am not going to get the assistance I need to even file a Victim Impact Statement. I have talked to women who have been through this and according to them they always had follow-up and before any case proceeded they were interviewed to see if this was a one time thing or just the first time they called the police. They also had follow-up to make sure they were safe and had a roof over their head and food. Seems like double standards, and I fear at this point my ex will probaly get nothing leaving none of the real issues dealt with. I am confused and depressed over the whole process.
As for the force a divorce and sell the horses thing, we weren't actually married (though it was on three months ago she said yes to marriage) and forcing the sale of the horses won't solve the problem. She will get more horses and it will start all over again. At this point I have better things to do with my meager funds than donate them to a lawyer.
Other than that things are okay. I am hoping the job interview call comes any day and in the meantime I will fill up my time with the gym, my part time job, and some writing on the side (other than this blog).
For those that asked, thanks for caring. It is much appreciated.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thank You Gold's Gym!!!
Okay, I know it sounds like an advertisement, but it isn't. The simple fact is that I should done this a couple weeks ago because it is making all the difference in the world for me, both mentally and physically.
You may have read in my last post that I was putting some of my short funds into joining a gym. At first glance many would say why do that and I can understand that thought but being able to go into a gym eveyday gives me a place to shower every day (lord knows I need that) and a place to hang out and do something constructive other that sit in a coffee shop stretching out a coffee for hours to stay warm.
What I didn't realize at the time was just how cathartic and benficial joining the gym would be. Working out (something which I have not done in years) has helped to relieve some of the aches and pains from sleeping in the cramped cold car. Working out has also left me tired enough that I actually sleep through the night. Its amazing how much difference some good sleep can have on your overall mental state. Even more beneficial is the help the excellent staff at Gold's gym have given me in getting my shoulder released and moving again. The couple of guys I dealt with were knowledgeable and had some good advice and suggestions. I can't them enough for taking the time they did with me.
The atmosphere and people at Gold's are fantastic too. It's not so crowded that you are rushed through the equipment and you aren't in the way if you site and relax for a while. Even the front desk staff are friendly and chatty. The socialization away from work, especially during this extended break, has been great. As the cantankerous old fart I am I don't often throw out recommendations for places or things, but I would recommend Gold's gym to everyone.
You may have read in my last post that I was putting some of my short funds into joining a gym. At first glance many would say why do that and I can understand that thought but being able to go into a gym eveyday gives me a place to shower every day (lord knows I need that) and a place to hang out and do something constructive other that sit in a coffee shop stretching out a coffee for hours to stay warm.
What I didn't realize at the time was just how cathartic and benficial joining the gym would be. Working out (something which I have not done in years) has helped to relieve some of the aches and pains from sleeping in the cramped cold car. Working out has also left me tired enough that I actually sleep through the night. Its amazing how much difference some good sleep can have on your overall mental state. Even more beneficial is the help the excellent staff at Gold's gym have given me in getting my shoulder released and moving again. The couple of guys I dealt with were knowledgeable and had some good advice and suggestions. I can't them enough for taking the time they did with me.
The atmosphere and people at Gold's are fantastic too. It's not so crowded that you are rushed through the equipment and you aren't in the way if you site and relax for a while. Even the front desk staff are friendly and chatty. The socialization away from work, especially during this extended break, has been great. As the cantankerous old fart I am I don't often throw out recommendations for places or things, but I would recommend Gold's gym to everyone.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Positive Movement
You would think after yesterday I would be pretty down and depressed, and I was. On top of everything else I knew it was going to be another bloody cold night and I just wasn't looking forward to. But today - well today is payday which means I made it. I finished the week with $10 bucks in my pocket and the few pounds I lost, well I could afford to loose them.
One of the first things I did today was sign up for a monthly membership at a local gym. Not only does this give me something to do in those long, lonely evenings and days off, but it provides me with a spot to shower and clean up every day. That will be nice. I did workout today as well (for the first time in many years) and I am sore, but it's a good sore.
The second positive thing today is I gave the gentleman who offered some help in finding a job for me and it looks like he has really come through for me. At a time when I was loosing all faith in people this gentlemen went out of his way to find work for me that was a fit for me. The position he mentioned sounds like an excellent fit for me, not just a mcjob, and I am quite stoked about the opportunity. But if you want to know how small the world is, I actually did some work for this man many years ago (in my alter ego) and he is one of the few (it seems) that know of my fictional writing in my alter ego. (everybody sing it now - It's a small world afterall, It's..... Good luck in getting that earworm out of your head).
Number three on my list of positive things - I started a new page on my blog. I hope to use it to perhaps help and guide others who might find themselves in this unfortunate situation. I am excited enough about this whole blog project that I drafted up and sent out an email to local media about it. (If you are reading this drop the CBC, the Herald, The Sun, and whatever other media you can think of and tell them they should have a close look at this story.) I know its only a resource page or two but i can tell you even the little bit of information that is up there already would have made a world of difference for me to know going into the process. I really hope it helps others, and of course writing this blog and providing the information is very cathartic for me. That being said, I hope that I find myself working in that fantastic job soon and don't have the opportunity to update this blog so often.
One of the first things I did today was sign up for a monthly membership at a local gym. Not only does this give me something to do in those long, lonely evenings and days off, but it provides me with a spot to shower and clean up every day. That will be nice. I did workout today as well (for the first time in many years) and I am sore, but it's a good sore.
The second positive thing today is I gave the gentleman who offered some help in finding a job for me and it looks like he has really come through for me. At a time when I was loosing all faith in people this gentlemen went out of his way to find work for me that was a fit for me. The position he mentioned sounds like an excellent fit for me, not just a mcjob, and I am quite stoked about the opportunity. But if you want to know how small the world is, I actually did some work for this man many years ago (in my alter ego) and he is one of the few (it seems) that know of my fictional writing in my alter ego. (everybody sing it now - It's a small world afterall, It's..... Good luck in getting that earworm out of your head).
Number three on my list of positive things - I started a new page on my blog. I hope to use it to perhaps help and guide others who might find themselves in this unfortunate situation. I am excited enough about this whole blog project that I drafted up and sent out an email to local media about it. (If you are reading this drop the CBC, the Herald, The Sun, and whatever other media you can think of and tell them they should have a close look at this story.) I know its only a resource page or two but i can tell you even the little bit of information that is up there already would have made a world of difference for me to know going into the process. I really hope it helps others, and of course writing this blog and providing the information is very cathartic for me. That being said, I hope that I find myself working in that fantastic job soon and don't have the opportunity to update this blog so often.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Working Poor!!
There are an abundance of stories in the media that referring to the "working poor" and while I had a basic understanding of the concept, the reality of it didn't really hit me until today. It is a very small step to go from working and having a roof over your head to working and not having that roof over your head (whether cause of financial circustances or an animal hoarding wife or any of a variety of other reasons). Once you don't have that roof over your head setting aside the money for a deposit and first months payment can be difficult. Sure you don't have the costs you had before of your home but other things can impact your income, like higher food costs, other accomodations, or not being able to make it to work because of where you have to park your head for the night.
I got up today (quite early cause it was bloody cold last night) with a sense of hope that I would come up with a housing solution today. Victim services told me the night my wife was arrested that there was a program that would help with a damage deposit, first months rent, and some furniture to get on my feet. After almost three hours at the Income Support office what I came away with was there really is no help available for me unless I want to move to Calgary (which would mean abandoning the job I have). Even the cousellor thought that would be a silly idea. That money that victim services said would be available for me is actually targeted at women and children, just like interim housing. I could make use of the homeless shelters but again that would mean being in Calgary every night at which point I wouldn't be able to afford to go back and forth to work reasonably.
This isn't being between a rock and a hard place - it's standing between two rocks that are simutaneously slamming into the sides of my head. If you can't already tell I am pretty pissed, and even more depressed. I have not been able to stop shivering since last nights cold spell, I am exhausted cause I can't get a good nights sleep. I am ready just to walk away from it all.
I understand why there may be more support programs available for women and children but shouldn't there be something out there for men. And how do support programs help if all they do is take people out of their community and warehouse them in the big city. This province has a large rural population and a lot of that population works in their local rural area. Do they have to abandon these jobs and regions just to access safety net programs?
Some things to think about I guess, but I am not much up to thinking right now. In fact I am struggling just to hold myself together at this point. Its going to be a very long six days.
I got up today (quite early cause it was bloody cold last night) with a sense of hope that I would come up with a housing solution today. Victim services told me the night my wife was arrested that there was a program that would help with a damage deposit, first months rent, and some furniture to get on my feet. After almost three hours at the Income Support office what I came away with was there really is no help available for me unless I want to move to Calgary (which would mean abandoning the job I have). Even the cousellor thought that would be a silly idea. That money that victim services said would be available for me is actually targeted at women and children, just like interim housing. I could make use of the homeless shelters but again that would mean being in Calgary every night at which point I wouldn't be able to afford to go back and forth to work reasonably.
This isn't being between a rock and a hard place - it's standing between two rocks that are simutaneously slamming into the sides of my head. If you can't already tell I am pretty pissed, and even more depressed. I have not been able to stop shivering since last nights cold spell, I am exhausted cause I can't get a good nights sleep. I am ready just to walk away from it all.
I understand why there may be more support programs available for women and children but shouldn't there be something out there for men. And how do support programs help if all they do is take people out of their community and warehouse them in the big city. This province has a large rural population and a lot of that population works in their local rural area. Do they have to abandon these jobs and regions just to access safety net programs?
Some things to think about I guess, but I am not much up to thinking right now. In fact I am struggling just to hold myself together at this point. Its going to be a very long six days.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Two Steps Forward .....
I really thought I was moving ahead yesterday, mentally anyways. Probably would have been an excellent day except that Cupid decided to kick me in the ass.
I made the mistake of parking near a group of restaurants and every couple I saw walk in for Valentines cut me like a knife. To top it off someone I worked with brought out a chest that I had been working on for months to remind me to bring it home. I have been working on this chest for months, handcut dovetail joints throughout, inlaid doors and drawer, hidden compartment, walnut with mahogany, and maple highlights. I had been planning on giving this to my wife (my ex I guess) for Valentines day for months. Probably put close to 60 hours worth of work into it (those handcut dovetails are a pain in the neck). Anyway it didn't leave the shop and that didn't take long for the gossip to get around the staff, the jokes started in the staff room at lunch today, so I don't imagine it will take long for the whole staff to know all the sordid details.
It seems I also have a six day long weekend starting thursday. Not what I needed mentally or physically. I guess I can use the extra time off for a job search, and to Anonymous who said he could find me something please email me direct and I will send along a resume.
Think I am going to try and connect up with social services and see if they can help with housing at all. I know they have said there is nothing they can do before, but there has to be some assistance out there. There are stories everyday in the news about how they are doing new things to get people off the street. It's suppose to get bitter cold here again with more snow. I don't think my body can deal with that cold anymore. Wish me luck.
I made the mistake of parking near a group of restaurants and every couple I saw walk in for Valentines cut me like a knife. To top it off someone I worked with brought out a chest that I had been working on for months to remind me to bring it home. I have been working on this chest for months, handcut dovetail joints throughout, inlaid doors and drawer, hidden compartment, walnut with mahogany, and maple highlights. I had been planning on giving this to my wife (my ex I guess) for Valentines day for months. Probably put close to 60 hours worth of work into it (those handcut dovetails are a pain in the neck). Anyway it didn't leave the shop and that didn't take long for the gossip to get around the staff, the jokes started in the staff room at lunch today, so I don't imagine it will take long for the whole staff to know all the sordid details.
It seems I also have a six day long weekend starting thursday. Not what I needed mentally or physically. I guess I can use the extra time off for a job search, and to Anonymous who said he could find me something please email me direct and I will send along a resume.
Think I am going to try and connect up with social services and see if they can help with housing at all. I know they have said there is nothing they can do before, but there has to be some assistance out there. There are stories everyday in the news about how they are doing new things to get people off the street. It's suppose to get bitter cold here again with more snow. I don't think my body can deal with that cold anymore. Wish me luck.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Moving Forward
The week-end is over and I am off to work shortly. All-in-all it wasn't a bad week-end. The weather in Calgary was rather nice so my fuel reserves are holding out (which means I will probably make it the next four days without totally missing a day of food). I was also able to get my laundry done and get a shower (thank you Anonymous for the truck stop suggestion). Because it was so warm I was also able to get a couple full nights of sleep which is good, except for the fact that I literally can't stand up in the morning because I am so stiff from being scrunched up all night (how the heck do people do that?).
Got a few resume's out as well, which I hope someone bites on. Even had a couple of interviews, unfortunately in both cases they wanted me to quit my part-time job and come and work full-time for them - for half the hourly wage!! I may be a little desperate but I am not stupid. Why would I give up the same weekly wage earned in half the hours at a job I love to work full-time for the same total income at another job? I even asked one of the managers that specific question and his reponse to me was "it makes better fiscal sense to work full-time." My next question should have been "what cracker jack box did you get your math degree from?". Don't think I'll miss not having that job.
I am reading with interest the comments being made on my Blog. I do know that that no-one deserves to be beaten for having a different opinion, but I also know i could have just walked away those times and not said anything about the horses. This was one of those impossible choices - don't say anything, let the problem persist, and keep peace in the family - or try and point out the problem and fix it but sacrifice the peace. The real unfortunate part of this is that, at some point the SPCA and the police will be involved again, and like last time they will come in hard and agressive dealing with the animal problem but never taking time to assess or adress the underlying problem. Kind of like tossing a homeless person in jail for stealing a bun to fill their belly. You know its going to happen again, or even get worse unless you deal with the underlying problem.
There is, I think, no way to help my wife unless she chooses to seek help herself. As for me, life goes on and I need to keep moving forward. I meet with someone whose interested in the car after work tomorrow. I am not totally anxious for it to be gone right away (it's not tenting weather yet), but it will be a major debt off my shoulders and let me get things more separate from my Ex. If it doesn't sell, anyone interested in an 06 Prius. Backseat is great for sleeping in as long as you are three and a half feet tall ;-)
Got a few resume's out as well, which I hope someone bites on. Even had a couple of interviews, unfortunately in both cases they wanted me to quit my part-time job and come and work full-time for them - for half the hourly wage!! I may be a little desperate but I am not stupid. Why would I give up the same weekly wage earned in half the hours at a job I love to work full-time for the same total income at another job? I even asked one of the managers that specific question and his reponse to me was "it makes better fiscal sense to work full-time." My next question should have been "what cracker jack box did you get your math degree from?". Don't think I'll miss not having that job.
I am reading with interest the comments being made on my Blog. I do know that that no-one deserves to be beaten for having a different opinion, but I also know i could have just walked away those times and not said anything about the horses. This was one of those impossible choices - don't say anything, let the problem persist, and keep peace in the family - or try and point out the problem and fix it but sacrifice the peace. The real unfortunate part of this is that, at some point the SPCA and the police will be involved again, and like last time they will come in hard and agressive dealing with the animal problem but never taking time to assess or adress the underlying problem. Kind of like tossing a homeless person in jail for stealing a bun to fill their belly. You know its going to happen again, or even get worse unless you deal with the underlying problem.
There is, I think, no way to help my wife unless she chooses to seek help herself. As for me, life goes on and I need to keep moving forward. I meet with someone whose interested in the car after work tomorrow. I am not totally anxious for it to be gone right away (it's not tenting weather yet), but it will be a major debt off my shoulders and let me get things more separate from my Ex. If it doesn't sell, anyone interested in an 06 Prius. Backseat is great for sleeping in as long as you are three and a half feet tall ;-)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
She Is Not A Horrible Person
I am a little suprised by some of the comments and emails I have been receiving. Let me be clear - My wife is not a horrible person, not a bitch, not a harpie, or any of those other things I will not repeat here. She is a very loving person who will give until it hurts and help anybody who needs it. I don't even know if she has an animal hoarding problem (I am not a psychologist so I can't make this diagnosis), I only know that her behaviours seem consistent with what I have read and others pointed that out before I recognized it.
Yes, she did beat the crap out of me (on a few occasions), and yes she was arrested and charged by the police for assault. The fact is I should have known better than to ever mention selling horses, thinning the herd, or taking horses with me. I probably deserved the beating.
Yes, she has left me out on the street eeking by on a shoestring budget, though I am better off than some as I at least have a car to sleep in and job to go to. (I know I would be really messed up if I had to get in one of those homeless shelters.) I am not even sure she is aware of how I am getting by and since she has the no-contact order she can't really check up on me. I would like to think that if she was aware of this she wouldn't leave the situation as it is (though returning home is not an option for me any longer).
Yes she has had problems with the SPCA regarding her horses (and has been charged and had animals seized) but she really does love her horses and is the most capable and talented horse person I know. She loves her animals and unfortunately she loves them more than me or the family. That is a choice she has made and I have no choice but to live with it. Nothing I can do will change that.
Yes if it had been the other way around I probably would have been locked up and villified and she would have had support out the ying-yang. That is not a problem she created, that is a problem society has created.
Does she have a problem? Well there is an obvious anger issue or the violence would never have occured. An "Animal Hoarding" problem. I suppose only a trained proffessional can make that call and that is not likely to happen because she would not subject herself to that analysis and no-one can make her. I only worry that she gets violently angry with someone else who tries to stand between her and her horses, and that her and the children suffer because of her choices with the horses.
So she is not the devil. She is just a person who know what she wants and is willing to sacrafice other things to have that. A real person with some issues of her own. This could describe any one of us. I know I have issues and I make choices as well. My priorities are just different. If all you can do is send me an email calling her vile names and telling me how to get even STOP. I don't need to nor do I want to hear it.
As for me, I am trying desperately to move on with my life. The good news is I have a couple people interested in buying the car. That would remove a large debt of our backs and free up the lien on on my motorbike which I can then sell and pay off othe debts (though the bike is the last thing in the world I want to part with). All I need now is for her to respond to an email and okay the sale (quickly I hope). I know this will leave me without a roof over my head but it is getting warm enough soon enough that a tent will provide me shelter and hold the few items of clothes I have.
I think I have lost track of which day this is, 11 or 12 I think, but life keeps moving on. As soon as my body is loosened up enough that I can actually move without wincing I am off to try and find another part time job. Wish me luck.
TWZKKMTBV54P
Yes, she did beat the crap out of me (on a few occasions), and yes she was arrested and charged by the police for assault. The fact is I should have known better than to ever mention selling horses, thinning the herd, or taking horses with me. I probably deserved the beating.
Yes, she has left me out on the street eeking by on a shoestring budget, though I am better off than some as I at least have a car to sleep in and job to go to. (I know I would be really messed up if I had to get in one of those homeless shelters.) I am not even sure she is aware of how I am getting by and since she has the no-contact order she can't really check up on me. I would like to think that if she was aware of this she wouldn't leave the situation as it is (though returning home is not an option for me any longer).
Yes she has had problems with the SPCA regarding her horses (and has been charged and had animals seized) but she really does love her horses and is the most capable and talented horse person I know. She loves her animals and unfortunately she loves them more than me or the family. That is a choice she has made and I have no choice but to live with it. Nothing I can do will change that.
Yes if it had been the other way around I probably would have been locked up and villified and she would have had support out the ying-yang. That is not a problem she created, that is a problem society has created.
Does she have a problem? Well there is an obvious anger issue or the violence would never have occured. An "Animal Hoarding" problem. I suppose only a trained proffessional can make that call and that is not likely to happen because she would not subject herself to that analysis and no-one can make her. I only worry that she gets violently angry with someone else who tries to stand between her and her horses, and that her and the children suffer because of her choices with the horses.
So she is not the devil. She is just a person who know what she wants and is willing to sacrafice other things to have that. A real person with some issues of her own. This could describe any one of us. I know I have issues and I make choices as well. My priorities are just different. If all you can do is send me an email calling her vile names and telling me how to get even STOP. I don't need to nor do I want to hear it.
As for me, I am trying desperately to move on with my life. The good news is I have a couple people interested in buying the car. That would remove a large debt of our backs and free up the lien on on my motorbike which I can then sell and pay off othe debts (though the bike is the last thing in the world I want to part with). All I need now is for her to respond to an email and okay the sale (quickly I hope). I know this will leave me without a roof over my head but it is getting warm enough soon enough that a tent will provide me shelter and hold the few items of clothes I have.
I think I have lost track of which day this is, 11 or 12 I think, but life keeps moving on. As soon as my body is loosened up enough that I can actually move without wincing I am off to try and find another part time job. Wish me luck.
TWZKKMTBV54P
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