Cantankerous Old Fart: Self Portraits

There are artists that have recorded their lives in a series of self portraits painted or drawn over many years. It is interesting to examine these portraits. As you compare the portraits from a person's youth to those of the older artist it often appears as though the images of the more senior artist reflect more of an internal insight than just the simple external appearance. Of course, this may simply be the result of the skills of the artist improving over time, enabling them to transfer that inner person to the canvas.

All of us though, artists or not, have a self portrait that we try and present to the world each and every day. As children that self portrait is a true reflection of our inner selves, concealing nothing. As we age though we develop this image of ourselves (in a sense a self portrait) and to make that image reality it is what we present to others around us.

It is just my personal opinion, but I think that for most of us that self portrait we present doesn't really reflect our true selves until much later in our lives, after experiencing life and its many twists and turns and gaining the wisdom that comes with that experience.

Don't misunderstand me. I am by no means saying that I am wise, though I do hope I have gained some wisdom over the years. There is a school of thought though that states that true wisdom lies in knowing what you don't know, not what you do know. In my case there is a hole lot I don't know which would make me truly wise.

Eckhart Tolle said “On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.” Maybe that is why as a child our self portraits are such a true reflection of our inner self. As children we let that playful, joyous energy shine through in everything we do, though it doesn't take long for the world to start muzzling that. It isn't until much later in life that many of us let the world do what it wants and we return to that childlike state.

If I tried to remember all the self portraits I would have painted of myself over the years they would be many an varied but in many ways I think I have come full circle. As a child there were a few things that I truly enjoyed. Writing was one of them, and that has stuck with me in some form or another throughout my entire life. Riding my bike was another, though at that time my bike was a CCM pedal bike (just a few less horsepower then my current bike). I travelled the world on that bike – well at least the world of North Bay, for hours on end with my friends, exploring and discovering everything there was to discover.

What would my self portraits look like if I had to describe them? I think if I was to use motorbikes at metaphors for my life I probably started my life as a classic Indian Chief motorbike, basic, typical for the time, good looking, and fun. I went from there to a custom chopper (after-all everyone wants to be cool in their teenage years).

From there I would have been a crotch rocket, racing ahead in life trying to get the prize.

At some point I became an old Ural, rode hard, beat up, barely hanging together, but still an inner strength to me for someone to discover.

Now, I picture myself as that Indian Chief again, with the classic soft lines (and getting softer by the day) but easy going, laid back, and enjoying life.