Into Each Life A Little Rain Must Fall.

They say that into each life a little rain must fall, but come on now!!!! I am ready to trade in my bike for a canoe. Not that I am a fair weather biker by any stretch of the imagination. I have ridden in just about all extremes, rain, heavy rain, heavy, heavy rain, hail, snow, high winds. I have enjoyed them all with the exception of the hail. Ouch!!! For me and my bike. I have also canoed in all of this weather and enjoyed it as well. Riding a motorbike and canoeing are remarkably similar. The solitude, the freedom, the unique exposure and interaction with the elements and world around you.

One thing this weather has done for me has provided a chance for me to read a little more. In one of those random meetings with people you wouldn't otherwise ever meet unless you ride a bike I was told about a book by Neil Peart, the drummer from the Rush (an absolutely fantastic band). The book is called Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road, and tells the story of how Neil, after the death of his daughter in an accident and loosing his wife to cancer shortly thereafter, heads out on his motorbike on a journey of self healing. When I was told about the book I knew this was something I could relate to and thanks to Amazon.com the book was in my hands in two short days and it is fantastic. Even if you are not a biker you will love this book.

After the death of his daughter Neil relates the story of a television documentary on the Mormon trek west in 1847, the ordeals they went through and the hardships they faced. The words of one of the women in the documentary struck home to Neil Pert. “The only reason I am alive is that I could not die.” This is where this author found himself at that period of his life. This is exactly where I found myself after loosing my family and everything that had real meaning to me. After reading these words I knew I was going to enjoy this book and haven't put it down since.

In Neil’s own journal he wrote these words:

“Notice in the 'watches of the night' or while riding (or anytime), pattern of torment. Not only have to relive and examine every episode of life with Jackie and Selena, but every single episode of my own life.  embarrassment, act of foolishness, wrong-headedness, error, idiocy etc. Going back to childhood and all the way forward to now.

I physically flinch, say 'ow' out loud, or 'fuck,' as the case may be, and can hardly bear it. Such stupid things sometimes, but it seems my confidence, or belief in myself, or something, is so shaken, so undermined, so tenuous, that I have no tolerance, no understanding, no forgiveness: for myself or any one else.

No forgiveness...”

I still find myself in this mindset. I know exactly how those thoughts go. The physical flinches. The curses, silently and out loud. The destruction of my foundation that has left me so lacking in confidence and belief in myself that I can not find any tolerance, understanding, or forgiveness for anyone, myself included. I can only hope that this journey allows me to rebuild that foundation.