Optimistic

It has been a while since I have made a post here. Life has a strange way of getting in the way of living! When you look at where and why this blog initially started and where I am now it is quite amazing to see the transformation. The simple fact is that when this blog started I was really sure I was going to continue on with life. I was in a dark, ugly place and couldn't see a way out of it at that time. This blog, however, saved my sanity and my life according to those who know me, and even the mental health professional who encouraged this outlet for me rather than putting me on medications. I can't argue with them.

Have all my problems resolved now? Not really, but my life moves forward anyways. There are those who have pointed out that my “victim” mindset was completely in my control. Those people are not entirely wrong, though I suspect many of them have never been on my side of that statement. Have I fought back? I think this blog was partially my way of fighting back. I did pursue my complaint against a lawyer who chose to abuse the system (though as expected it seems nothing has come of this complaint). I have filed reports with the police when my ex continued to threaten me with bodily harm after her initial charges went through the courts. This is not something I would have done in the past but the fact that I have to move again so she or the people she is encouraging to help her do harm to me can not find me and I don't have to look over my shoulder or be afraid of going home has ticked me off enough that I refuse to be the victim again.

No, I am not throwing away my hard earned money on a lawyer to fight to get my tools, equipment, and family inheritances back. I hope that someday common sense may take over her rage and she does the right thing and returns this stuff. If not, the fact is what I would pay a lawyer for this fight will probably refurbish my shop and things are just that, things. There are far more important things in life than owning things. I wish her the best of luck as she continues with her horses, and equine dentistry, and hoof care work. I only pray that she finds the ability to maintain her animals and horses as they should be cared for in the future.

I set out in a new direction on the Easter week-end and despite the crappy weather which has kept me off my motorbike for the most part, that direction is taking me in strange and wonderful places. It is bringing new friends into my life, and renewing friendship with friends from long ago. I find myself opening up my heart, which a short time ago I wasn't sure I could put the pieces back together again, and that fact alone is opening up a whole new life for me, and opportunities I would not have seen otherwise.

In my spare time (of which there has not been a whole lot lately) I love to read and I have been keeping track of some quotes that I have found to be relevant to my life. Here are a few.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift that is why they call it the present."

• Eleanor Roosevelt

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."

• Alexander Graham Bell

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans,"

• John Lennon

"Life is full of spontaneous surprises, so get ready.”

Why are these quotes relevant? They are relevant because the fact is, things really did start to get better as I looked forward rather than backward. They are relevant because, plan as I would, it is those things that you don't plan for, like moving suddenly or new people coming into your life, that are a part of life. They are relevant because seizing the opportunities of the present time, even those that are spontaneously thrown your way, are what make life enjoyable.

For me these opportunities include new friends, jobs I love, and most recently an incredible person that, despite my flaws (of which there are no doubt many), and despite having read through my rants and rages on this blog, has accepted me for what I am and let me be a part of her life. She found that last little pathway into that hardened shell around my heart and let herself in.

People at my age all come with some sort of baggage, and often those bags are loaded with piles of crap we have waded through and shovelled out of the way to get where we are now. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. The optimist in me (which has found its way back out after a long period in remission) says we can take those piles of crap, compost them, and use them to create a foundation for a wonderful rose garden.

Thanks to all who continue to write with their words of support and friendship.