Perfect . . . .

   Perfect storm. Perfect day. Perfect ride. They are all different but the same, a situation created by a rare combination or concurrence of factors the alter a situation dramatically. In the case of a perfect storm that combination of factors that all too often results in devastation and destruction. That combinations of factors can result in a hurricane, a tornado, or in our own personal realities, the destruction of our lives and personal realities.

    A perfect day is very similar to a perfect ride, something every biker seeks on each ride out. It is the combination or weather, road conditions, traffic levels, scenery, companions and friends, starting and ending locations, food, drink, and so much more. It is a unique combination that you know you could never have planned, or even dreamed up on your own. A concurrence that you will never be able to duplicate no matter how hard you try, and if even if you could, it will not be perfect the next time because timing is everything.

   The nice thing about a perfect ride is that you can have more than one. It is never the same ride, but given time and patience another perfect ride will inevitably come your way.

   Life does not often throw a perfect situation your way. Life is in fact all about imperfections and the challenges in dealing with them. It is hard to imagine people, who in their very nature are about as imperfect as you can get, getting together to create a perfect situation. Even if they could you just know that someone involved is going to rethink that perfect process - and spoil it.

   We are often encouraged to “go with the flow” as we live out our daily lives, to not push against prevailing behaviour, norms and attitudes. While going with the flow can be a key part of that perfect experience we often fail to realize that truly being part of that perfect experience may mean stepping outside of those accepted norms. It takes real courage to do this. Jim Hightower said that “The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.”

   I recently came across one of those situations. Had I gone with the flow I would have missed out on a “perfect storm” that would change my personal reality. A confluence of factors that, if I let my logical mind get in the way, would have passed before I knew it. Instead I chose to experience and encourage this confluence of factors – the result – a ride (through life) that may not be perfect (because I am unfortunately not perfect (but don't tell anyone else please)) will no doubt be enjoyable.

Fall has gripped us firmly now, softening us up for winter's blow, which unfortunately means there aren't a lot of great riding days left but I wish all my readers a perfect ride, on their bike and in their life.

Contemplating the Uncontemplatable - Lawyers Again!!

  Well after much thought, and the input of friends and family, I am going to meet with a law firm that has contacted me through this blog and offered to help me pro bono get back “what is mine.” (their words not mine.) I trust lawyers less than I trust my ex, which is unfortunately pretty bad, but I would love to have all my trade tools and equipment, my family heirlooms, and my writing back.

  I am very torn over this decision at the moment because the last thing I want to do is make my ex's life more difficult than it probably already is, nor do I want to run up more bills for her because in the end it is only that animals and the children that suffer. Getting the missing pieces of my life back only to destroy hers in the process is not the right thing to do but maybe these guys have a better plan, though I have never known a lawyer that didn't want to start by going for the heart and settling for nothing less than ripping out the groin.

  I will keep my faithful readers updated.

Bonds

  There is something that draws bikers together as a group, a community of sorts. Riding that motorbike automatically enters you into a group that has a comraderie that I have seldom seen among other groups. Now I know the first thing jumping into the minds of most cagers is the nefarious motorbike gangs that they hear about in the news all the time, but that is not what I am referring to. What I am referring to is that simple little, at times almost invisible, wave that is exchanged between bikers as they pass each other.
   If you have been driving behind a person on a motorbike you may have noticed this action as two bikes pass each other in opposite directions. The left hand lifts off the grip and drops down to below the grip or lower and forms a sign, unique to every rider, as the rider coming in the other direction does exactly the same thing. If you blink you will miss it, it is so subtle in most cases, but between bikers it is enough to recognize that common mindset.
  They don't know each each other. They may never see each other again. But they know they have something in common between each other. A unique bond.
  It is always amusing as a rider when you come across someone new to the community. These are the riders who are driving down the highway at 60 miles an hour and joyfully raise their hand high in the air to greet the oncoming biker. We have all experienced the sensation as a kid of sticking our arms out the window and feeling the wind push your arm backwards. Well picture this happening to a hand that is quickly raised in acknowledgement to an oncoming rider. The picture the other riders laughter as he watches that hand counter rotate around the shoulder of the newbie rider, flinging it back behind them flailing in the wind. It doesn't take a new rider long to avoid that from happening again.
  Bonds are fragile things though. Temporary. Fleeting. If you don't work at keeping those bonds together they soon fracture and tear apart, sometimes never to be repaired. Even if you try to repair them they are never the same, and sometimes you do more damage than just leaving them be. Think of those repair jobs that you have seen where someone tried to repair something and when they were done all you had left was a piece of junk with extra glue out the seams, extra nails sticking out, doors or drawers not lining up, and just a general mess that would have been better off left alone. The person's doing the repair may have been motivated just to try and bring a thing a beauty back to original lustre or some semblance thereof – the best of intentions gone awry.
  Those are the thoughts going through my mind as I enjoyed a ride on one of the warmest days of summer, which is nearing an end all too soon. A couple of quotes come to mind as I contemplate this.    The first is from Emily Dickinson:

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune - - without the words,

And never stops at all.

  The second is from Christian Nevell Bovee:

“No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.”

  As an aside, while doing some research for a website I am developing for a client I came across some interesting images. I thought I would share these with you.

Riding The Curves With A Friend

  “Hold tight in the turns.”

  That, I believe was the closing line in a recent email from one of this blogs readers. (I don't know for sure because I was unfortunately a little quick with the delete key. I do apologize to this reader. I like to take the time to personally respond to all emails.) Now this may not mean much to those to don't ride a bike, but to those who do corners are an entirely different concept. Why? Counter steering!
  What is counter steering? Don't worry that you don't know because the fact is, even many motor bikers, though they do it every day, don't know what counter steering is. It is probably the most difficult concept for those who teach motorbike drivers courses to explain. The basic concept is this. You steer into the the turn but as you continue the turn, you counter steer, or steer out of the turn as you lean into the turn. This is counter-intuitive to those that don't ride a motorbike but the fact is the more you turn into a corner, the more upright a motorcycle stays. Combine staying upright with the concept of g-force which wants to pull you out of the corner and you find yourself either driving into the other lane of traffic, the ditch, or worse.
  Now add to this formula the loose gravel, pot holes, oil slicks and variety of obstacles that suddenly appear on the ground beneath your wheels as you lean deep into your turn, just encouraging your tires to loose traction and slip out from under you. Of course if you ride that turn truly fearlessly (or like a crazy lunatic depending on your point of view) you can find yourself leaning so far that your foot peg is scraping the ground just seeking out an opportunity to grab hold so your rubber completely removes itself from the road and your leathers (if you are smart) and skin embed into the rough pavement.
  Riding the curves on a motorbike can be exciting, enthralling, exhilarating, exasperating, scary, frightening, bone chilling, and death defying – all at the same time. Riding the curves in life is very much the same experience. You live your life with a final destination in mind (other than death), a goal of sorts. As you head towards your destination every once in a while you find yourself facing a curve in the road that you just have to ride out. You turn it to it, knowing it is taking you off track, so you counter steer, in an effort to get back on path. You might ride that curve a little fast. You might lean into it a little hard. The choice is always up to you on how you ride that curve, and in the end you are either going to find yourself pulling out, or crashing and burning. If you do find yourself pulling out you may find yourself heading in an entirely new direction.
  I recently had one of those curves thrown in my path. I had pretty much decided that I wanted nothing to do with animals anymore. Just as I put that down on paper I received a phone call from someone saying they had got one of my basset hounds from a rescue that had found it wandering the back country a couple hours north of Edmonton. Leaves me wondering what has happened with all the other animals. Anyway, to make a long story short, I have my old friend back and I love it. I won't be rushing out to add more animals to my life but having my old friend back in my life has raised my spirits and given me hope. This is a curve I had to lean hard into but as I pull out of it I am still heading in the same direction, only now I have a friend to accompany me.

Skill

A bit of a step out from my usual blog but I came across a video of a police officer in a motorbike rodeo that demonstrates some incredible skill. I would love to just attempt this course - as long as it wasn't on a bike I would have to repair when it dropped!! Check it out.
Incredible Riding Skill

Motorbike Zen - A New Website

Since starting this blog I have received a lot of email, much of it from perfect strangers. The writers offer words or encouragement, support, and understanding, but much of what I have received lately are from people who have used their motorbikes in their healing process as well. There have been some great stories and it occurred to me that I should not be the only person to hear them so I have created a new website called Motorbike Zen.
If you have a story of motorcycles and healing I encourage you to add it to the website.

Introspection - Two Steps Forward One Step Back

With my birthday imminent I find myself quite introspective. Not that the birthday is any milestone, but at 45 did expect to be at a much different point in my life, and definitely not a mere six months from starting every over again.
One of the most enjoyable experiences for me is hopping on my motorbike, strapping a tent and sleeping bag to the back, and heading out in a direction. Any direction. Choosing roads and turns because they look interesting or fun, or because someone you have met on your journey recommended a certain path. You may not get far fast, but the sites, the people, and the experience make it all worthwhile. Not that the journey is totally random. I always leave with a direction in mind, and usually an intended destination, and unfortunately a time line that returns me to the “responsibilities” of daily living.

Travelling this way does at time have its challenges, as you may expect. Not every road is as smooth as racing down the highway. Some of the roads you choose may have more winds and twists in than you expect, and while they may make the ride more exciting, slow down the trip significantly. Some roads, while providing a beautiful sideline to your journey, are dead ends and leave you backtracking for part of your trip before being able to resume direction to your ultimate destination. As long as you keep the rubber on the road and the shiny side up it's always a good journey, and the rough patches that make for part of the story.
I suppose, in retrospect, the way I enjoy riding my motor bike is a a metaphor for how I have lived my life. I remember as a young boy in North Bay, Ont., writing down my planned destination for my life in my journal. I was going to be a writer, a musician, and a craftsman living on a sprawling ranch with my own roaming herd of horses. I believe at the time my idea of the ranch was something about the size of the Ponderosa from Bonanza (which according to the internet would have been a mere 600,000 acres), but if you are going to dream, dream big! The route I was taking to get to that final destination was anything but direct, with plenty of side trips, but I was well on my way. Just didn't plan on a raging cager (in biker terminology) running me down before I could reach my destination.
I am six months out from that major life crash and that combined with the pending birthday finds me not only introspective, but confused, and pensive, and perhaps even bewildered and befuddled. The deeper I look the more confused I seem to get.
Writing has always been an intrinsic part of my life. Whether it has just been in my journals, or in letters and reports, in technical documents and text books and business plans, on the web, and in books and magazine articles, writing has been the one constant on my journey. Much of that writing sadly disappeared with my last partner (the raging cager I referred to earlier) and I fear is gone forever. Gratefully some of it has been found again in the forms of copies of my published books contained in the archives of the Canadian National Library. Writing did in fact save my life. Had I not used it to think out loud and communicate through this blog I am not sure (in fact I am very confident) that I would have made it through a very trying time.

Writing has always been, and will always be, the keystone in the bridge to the rest of my journey. Music on the other hand has sadly been waylaid somewhere along the roads I have taken. I am not sure at what point it was waylaid, or if it just simply faded into the background as other priorities in the moment took its place. If I had to pinpoint the time that music began to fade I think it faded away as certain friendships of my youth faded away. That road I took away from the music is one of those that I think I need to follow back to its source and head down a different route. There was a time when I would quickly learn any instrument I had the pleasure of touching (though drums simply eluded me). It was often a bit of a competition between my closest friend and I at who could master what instrument the best. I believe it is time to bring some of that music back. My guitars also disappeared with my writing but I think I am going to spend some time in the wood shop and build my own. An interesting challenge to my craftsman skills and, I hope, a motivator to play again.
The craftsman is well on its way. Through great teachers and coworkers I believe my skills as a blacksmith do qualify me as a craftsman and I truly love working with metal and wood. It is work but it is also very therapeutic at the same time. Of course all of my tools need to be replaced. This is one of those things that remains a source of confusion for me. How can someone who once proclaimed they loved you more than anything take everything that is you, everything you needed to continue your work and career, all of your family inheritances and history, and disappear with it leaving you literally sleeping in the streets in the middle of an ice cold winter? I just can't make sense of it or understand it, and while I know that holds me back there is a need within me to find an answer.
That being said, I have been given opportunities to continue with my blacksmithing, moving forward a step at a time, building my shop up again one tool at a time. I did it once before and I will do it again.

As for my dream of the Ponderosa, there is no room in my heart for that anymore. While I miss the work of being a farrier, and helping horses that needed help, the part they played in destroying a family makes them difficult to even look at for me. I realize that it was absolutely no fault of the horses, and that the obsession, and compulsion my partner had for horses was not healthy for her, me, or our family. I suppose that my guilt for allowing that problem to cause suffering for the horses and the family plays a big part in not having room in my heart for them anymore. The dogs I loved, my Saint Bernards and Basset Hounds disappeared as well and, while I enjoy being around my friend's dogs, I am still heart broke at the thought of Fritter and Glory not being in my life anymore. When I see a Basset or Saint my heart hits the floor and it is difficult to hold the tears back.
I think the dream of the Ranch has been crushed and I don't know what will fill that empty space yet. That is part of the search I am on I suppose. But the deep truth is there is another space that I struggle to fill. The space that was filled by a friend and partner that I could share my life was so brutally torn open that the jagged edges left behind don't really allow anyone else to fit into that hole. It is not that there haven't been beautiful, wonderful people who have cared about me and tried to fit into that space, but the truth is the most damaged thing in this entire experience has been my faith and trust in people. I am a loving and caring individual, and it cuts deep when I can't find it in myself to trust, care, and love others.
I know there is much more healing to take place. I don't know that there ever really be an opening for that friend and partner that I desire but just can't let in.
My birthday is a milestone to me. The beginning of beginning my life's journey over. Setting out on a new road with new directions and new choices, though this time with no destination really in site. It is the destination that I am searching for.
The journey begins as I climb onto my bike and head off into the sunset!